Diary of a Switcher: Week 5. A Case of the ‘Mean Reds’
“You know those days when you get the mean reds?” – Holly Golightly
Rolling (but not rolling a cigarette) into week 5 of my stopping smoking adventure. Things, in theory, should have gotten a little easier especially after lasts weeks deep and meaningful ponderings into my love of my smoking moments. Has it? Of course not petal, this is Diary of a Switcher!
Day 30. I’m a rather anxious person. Hence why I open with the quote from “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” in this post. I totally understand the “mean reds” and I think I manage to hide this fact quite well between the times when I, well, don’t. These “between” times used to be when I smoked and found my “stress-free moment”, or so I thought. This past month has allowed me to discover that I am in fact anxiety-free because of switching to my e-cigarette. I never noticed how much I actually worried about smoking and how physically better I feel these days. I realise now that those moments where I would have a cigarette I would always say, “I will quit next week but I need this now but I will stop”, and then the next week would come and I would still be saying these things to myself. And I’d feel the shame of, yet again, not following through on something I had promised myself.
They often comment on the physical health benefits of stopping but I do feel a little bit proud that I have managed to find a solution to something that was causing me a lot more distress than I initially anticipated. In under a week, I have realised that my “Tiffanys” was, in fact, the balcony: a place to perpetuate my anxiety rather than calm it. Deep, huh
Day 31. Well, turns out this anxiety isn’t removed but is actually transferred into anxiety about the fact that other people smoke. I don’t want to be that sort of quitter, the one who lauds it over current smokers because no one likes those people. I’m just worried when I see my friends and partner smoking. I notice how many they smoke, and how often, the expense. I shall endeavour to refrain from commenting.
Day 33. Maybe I’ll send the Boyfriend a few of my quitting smoking articles?
Day 34. I feel really sad and need to share the pain with someone. I put menthol juice in my vape. Eurgh. Now, I am going to have to clean my vape in order to exorcise the minty freshness out of its coil. I just don’t need that much menthol in my life #vapingproblems.
Day 35. I swear I can still taste it. Even after cleaning it. It’s literally revenge of the menthol e juice. In other news, I have reminded the Boyfriend about the e cigarette starter kit that I bought him. He doesn’t appear to have taken the bait. However, I shall persevere.
Day 36. Replacing my cigarette breaks with reading has been a delight. Who knows, maybe that will be my next project. The AYR book club. Just what would I call that? See, there is life after quitting smoking.
Misery does love company, especially a “mishog” like myself*, so please let me know what e flavour mishaps you’ve had as I do need the support and of course, need to know I am not alone in my menthol flavour hatred. Also, make sure to sign up to our newsletter so you’re always up to date on what is happening with AYR.
Love, love, Ems x
*mishog = miserable hog, I think it may be a Midlands/Northern term though…and there you go, read Diary of a Switcher and learn something new. Win/win.