Diary of a Switcher: Week 10

Quit Smoking | 12 October 2017
Emma Carneyby Emma Carney

It’s Week Ten and I am still trying to move forward after the drama that was Diary of a Switcher: Week 9. The bets are off on this one…

Day 62: So after last week’s little – ok, kinda, ever so slightly huge – slip up, I honestly feel like I am back at square one. I’d love to say that I haven’t smoked since but I have. A lot. The odd thing is, I don’t even enjoy it. My anxiety is back and worst of all, how expensive??? I guess it’s like childbirth – you forget the pain until you’re at the till again about to fork out over a tenner for a pack of ten death sticks.

Day 63: It’s been a whole day without smoking. I feel better, especially in my chest, but it’s like I have lit the bonfire in terms of my brain’s chemical responses to cigarettes. I honestly thought I was over it but one extended slip up and here I am – back at the hardest stage of quitting, also known as the beginning. Do I think vaping is better than smoking? Yes. Do I prefer it? Yes. So why is my brain constantly telling me to just have one last cigarette? Why can’t I just say “No”? Why am I so weak?

Day 64: With hindsight, I guess I’m going through what other quitters go through in the early stages and, to be fair, it did feel a bit too easy to make the switch. My dad (Hi Papa Carney)  used to say after 15 years of quitting smoking he still dreamed of cigarettes and missed them. He took up smoking again when he retired. I never could understand it, I can now. Maybe you’re always recovering.

Day 65: Have decided to go to a vape shop to try more e cigs. I never quite bonded with the two new ones like I did with Ziggy Starpuff.

Day 66: Cigarettes in last three days = zero. Whoop whoop!

Thoughts about cigarettes in last three days – 325,645

Day 67: Technically, as I am resuming my switch-to-vaping journey, I am now partaking in “Swaptober”. I am four days in so surely I can manage another 24?

Day 68: I woke up to find that Catrick Swayze had decided to leave a “present” on my bathroom rug to punish me for leaving her up a tree for so long last week. (Cats never forget. Ever). I know this as she was looking at me square in the eye as she did it. I couldn’t make it up. She can’t climb a tree, she can’t be bothered to use her litter tray when it’s right next to the blooming rug and yet she runs super fast when you chase her screaming, “why? why do you hate me?!” She’s such a mixed bag of a feline.

I wanted to smoke so, so, bad but decided to just boil wash the rug, shout at the Catrick – which in her feline mind probably sounded more like a foghorn going off or how the adults sound in a “Snoopy and Friends” cartoon. Either way, I didn’t smoke, but my goodness did I vape. I vaped hard and I vaped clouds. There is something so comforting and ever so slightly cathartic in being able to turn oneself into an angry dragon with your vape plume when you’re annoyed, Smoking just doesn’t offer that impact. Oh look, there we go – another positive for vaping… how many is that now?

Are any of you lovely people doing Stoptober or Swaptober? If so, I want to hear from you. Let’s do this together!

Love,

Emma

  1. Of course me and Catrick made up. She’s trying to sit on this keyboard as it type.
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